Aaaaaaargh

[sihayadesigns]

I am considering deleting my facebook altogether... or at the very least, creating a super tiny reading filter that I can actually look at without wanting to force-choke people through my computer screen. This week, it's been post after post of blood-pressure raising nonsense. (Birth control = abortion pills, DID YOU KNOW?) I went on a defriending spree and I feel not the least bit sorry about it, because hopefully it will mean I spend less time feeling rage-alicious.

Plus there's the whole "dude who shot up his kid's computer because she dared to complain about chores" thing. It is boggling my fucking mind that people who are otherwise rational and cool think that this is a thing to be admired. Note: I am talking about no less than ten fb posts on the topic.

Point one: fifteen year olds complain about shit. They are given to hyperbole. Did you keep a journal when you were fifteen? I will bet good money that it's full of shit like "MY LIFE IS RUINED FOREEEEEVER" and "MY PARENTS ARE SO UNJUST." Nowadays, facebook filters (as this was filtered specifically to a few of the girl's friends), are basically the same thing.

Point two: after he circumnavigated her filters, he took time to think through it, and decided that the best way to deal with your typical, run-of-the-mill non-destructive teenage brattiness was to publicly shame her (you tried to hide it from me, so I WILL READ IT TO THE WORLD ON YOUTUBE - I NEVER MEANT FOR LOTS OF PEOPLE TO SEE IT TEE HEE OOPS) and then *HOLLOW POINT EXPLOSIVE GUN ROUNDS*. That's not responsible parenting. That's Internet Tough Guy Dick Waving. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. Retaliation is NOT the same thing as discipline-- he made this about his ego and *GLOATING ABOUT IT PUBLICLY*, rather than addressing her negative behavior in any realistic way. And all of this was to "teach her a lesson." What did he teach her, exactly? Destruction, cavalier use of a firearm, and that she'll never be able to count on her parents not to overreact in a WAY over the top kinda way. I mean, if my parents' reaction to misbehavior is public ridicule, you bet your ASS I would never trust them again. Fear of shaming and reprisal is NOT the same thing as trust or respect.

Point three: SHE PAID FOR THE LAPTOP. The douche!dad says this in his Facebook comments. He did sink money into upgrades. He had every right to take the laptop away from her. He did not have the right to fucking destroy her property. Also? If he's an IT guy and the only way he could think to keep his kid from using Facebook was to SHOOT IT, he is officially the SHITTIEST IT GUY IN HISTORY. But maybe that's because he was more concerned with being a dick-waving Internet Tough Guy. (Also? You work in IT and don't understand how public info with your NAME ATTACHED can go viral? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Also? Her name is now out there for future employers to Google, for added funsies!)

Point four: Nobody's saying that the kid wasn't being a brat or that she wasn't deserving of discipline. But people are legit acting like there is NO LOGICAL STEP between being a wet rag of a parent and *pulling out a firearm.* TRUEFAX: anything involving *A MOTHERFUCKING FIREARM* is NOT *TOUGH LOVE.* It is disturbing to me how many people have this weird, darkly gleeful "she had it coming" attitude about her disrespect being somehow worthy of THE USE OF A FIREARM -- seriously? look at your life, look at your choices -- and with a father like that, is it any WONDER that this kid is prone to dramatics? Sure, her behavior was shitty, but his? It was so out of proportion that I can't even compare the two. He's an adult. He is the example. He should know better. Fucking period.

Sigh. People can roll their eyes at me posting about my cats all they like, but this week?

Cats >>> People. FORREALS.

Comments

[kyrielle]

Yeah, that guy shooting the computer...seriously, WTF people? How is it that this seems good to you? I think they're grateful he didn't just ignore the kid's behavior, but how is what he did a good thing? I think not! (Seriously, you don't just have the balls to take away the computer for a set period of time, or something? Or wipe the drive? You have to SHOOT it? I don't care if it was a dummy and not really her machine, or if the drive was out first, the implied violence is terrifying and the property destruction is stupid. Regardless of how you think parenting should occur, even draconian parenting shouldn't get to the point of violence-by-proxy, IMO.)

And, other than that, EVERYTHING YOU SAID. No, seriously, everything. Back in my day, before Facebook, we said s*** like that to our friends face-to-face. It wasn't trackable, but it was no less real. (Or we wrote it in a private journal, but that's not quite the equivalent to what she did.)

Ground her. Scold her. Take away her laptop. See if you can get Facebook to shut down her account, or do something to deny her the password. Firewall her (that only helps at home, of course, but then again shooting the laptop doesn't stop her from logging on from a library either!). Make her only use the computer (if she needs it for school) when you're around or she's at school. Disable the networking if you need to. Etc. etc. etc.

Just, UGH. Honestly? I think his daughter has maybe some justification in her wailing, even if she did not before!

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Yeah. GUNS DO NOT MAKE FOR GOOD PARENTING TOOLS. The end.

Jesus. Welcome to America.

[khai]

Abortion pills, seriously?

I regret posting that video, I was in the midst of a stressful day. Some interesting points - I didn't consider the lost data aspect or comparison to destroying CDs or books (things were all hard copy when I was a teen!), the latter would have destroyed me. Hard to tell what's true and what's not with the story all over the place. o_O

[encarmencita.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it reminded me of the part in The Virgin Suicides when the sisters are forced to burn their records. I would have not ever trusted my parents again for anything.

[neva-butterfly.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah 15 year olds are given to hyperbole and over-reaction but this one probably learned it from dear old dad.

Shooting things to make your point? Great example to set for your daughter!

Of course my parents were batshit beyond the norm, but when I was a teen my mother read my journal and stole letters from a friend and punished me for what I'd written in my journal. It did totally destroy any trust and further taught me zero about understanding or tempering my own emotions. What ever happened to sitting down with kids and listening to their viewpoint but also explaining yours?

One of the most important lessons a teen can learn is "yes, sometimes you'll have negative thoughts and feelings, and here are some ways you can comfort yourself, here are some checks you can give yourself to see if you're being fair, and here are some ways to talk to someone about an issue you have without being hurtful."

One of my big complaints was chores and babysitting (which was unpaid) because rather than comparing myself to what my father had to do in his teens I compared myself to my friends who had minimal chores and either no babysitting or paid babysitting. But honestly, for me, just an acknowledgement of all I did and a sincere thank you would have satisfied me, but instead it was this "YOU WILL RESPECT ME ALWAYS AND NEVER SAY OR THINK ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT ME BECAUSE PARENT = GOD!" Which only sort of guarantees you'll think horrible negative thoughts about your parents but not vent them in any way that lets off steam, so you'll just stew.

[reedrover]

I live under a different rock... I know nothing about this story except what you posted. And in this case, ignorance really is bliss. Really.

I'm all about the cats rather than humans right now anyway. http://www.buzzfeed.com/animals/awkward-cat-sleeping-positions

[aggiebell.livejournal.com]

Cats = <3

My life is much improved by the few cuts I made to facebook too.

Also? People are allowed to complain. A fifteen year old still has the right to a private life and opinions. She may have to do chores because that's a part of being a member of a household and preparing to be functional when you live on your own, but she doesn't have to like it.

And he'll wonder why she won't let him around any future grandkids.

[badmagic.livejournal.com]

Discipline + guns + putting a girl in her place. Yeah, wingnuts are going to eat that up with a spoon.

[atriel.livejournal.com]

I was horrified by the number of sane, reasonable friends that were re-posting that video with comments like, "Good job, Dad! Show that girl who's boss!" (I copy and pasted that directly from my feed.)
Some of those friends are good parents. I know because I've seen them with their children.
I've worked really hard to earn M's trust. I've earned that trust by remaining in control of my temper and proving to her that I won't over react, I won't intimidate her, and building open communication with her.
If I ever have to resort to destroying her property with a gun, I am failing. Period.
I'm disgusted with the entire thing.

[lapetiteflower.livejournal.com]

That computer shooting guy? Once again I was embarassed to live in NC.

[atriel.livejournal.com]

That's how I feel every time South Carolina makes the news.

[happy-buddha.livejournal.com]

I live in Alabama. Hush, y'all...

[liminalia.livejournal.com]

Was just discussing this last night with 2 pro-gun friends who were like, "A gun's a tool. It would have made no difference to me if he'd stomped on it or used a rock." Aaaargh.

Everything you said x100.

[tsumik.livejournal.com]

First off ... <3 for referencing force-choke as your method of return aggression. :)

Second... Yeah shooting a .45 at that range into a semi-hard target just shows really really bad gun safety. Someone should scold him for doing such. Not to mention.. I don't even know what an explosive hollow point round is. Generally hollow points are expansive but not explosive. So yeah total "Internet Tough Guy Dick Waving."

Third... I have a whole bunch of people on hide from my newsfeed. My cousin posts annoying stuff all the time like memes and forwards. But if need be I can always go over to her facebook page since we're still friends and see whatever if need be. Might be an option.

And yes cats are awesome :)

[tamnonlinear.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly sure my stance on cats versus people is pretty much a known thing. Although, to be honest, my cats ARE pretty goddamn awesome.

[aethyrkitten.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I have found my people at last. I've been the lone person on my FB making all of these points and then some too, lost in a sea of "Oh em gee best dad ever! Kids these days, I tells ya!" I defy anyone, no matter how good a home they come from or how disciplined and in control of their behavior they were, to pretend they never had a bad day as a teenager where they wrote or said or thought something irrationally overdramatic and bratty about their parents' treatment of them.

I don't have the energy to recap my own rant on here anymore, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for reminding me that it's not just me and Manu sitting there with our jaws on the floor going REALLY? WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO SEE HOW EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE AND INAPPROPRIATE THIS IS? And by extension for reminding me why we're friends. <3

On that note, I think I would like to friend you on FB, since I haven't already. :)

[uberrod.livejournal.com]

Ok, I was kind on the side that the father wasn't that far out of line. Being a jerk, but whatever. But if the girl paid for the laptop and he shot it, I have to admit that this is abuse. Granted she was warned not to hide posts from her parents again. And granted she was exaggerating her life. And to be fair, she was saying some pretty ugly things about her parents and I imagine her life is fairly easy compared to many.

But I was operating on the assumption that the parents had bought her the laptop. And if they want to destroy the laptop they bought her with a gun, well, whatever. But shooting a laptop she paid for? No. Just no. There is no justification for that.

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

I'm generally given to think that there is never ever a reason to use a firearm in the disciplining of a child. I mean, was she ridiculous? Yeah. But a GUN?

Also her name is attached to this (and easily google-able) foreeeeeever. That is its very own brand of fuckery on the dad's side.

[sparkliedragon.livejournal.com]

I was very disturbed by the number of "you go, dad!" comments on that video. When I was 15, my dad used chores as a way to control my sister and me: when we did everything on the daily list, he would give us more to do the next day, and when we didn't finish everything, he got angry and yelled at us. I totally get where the girl is coming from, and we have *no idea* what her life is actually like. I am still coming to terms with my dysfunctional family during my preteen and teenage years, and things like this (and everyone accepting it, saying she deserved it) make me stop and question the validity of my 15-year-old self's feelings.

[sihaya09.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this dad admitted on his FB that he'd arbitrarily add to her chores if he thought she finished her chores too quickly and had too much free time. Not as punishment, just out of... spite. When a guy admits to that and overreacts like this... bratty or no, you gotta give the kids's words some weight.

[efface.livejournal.com]

I thought it was all fine and dandy until I found out she bought the laptop herself. He also claimed he saw the post under the dog's profile (they made a profile for the dog to post cute pics or something...)

Anyway, I think it's shitty to disrespect your parents on a public forum, but I don't think he handled it the right way. This whole situation is just weird.

[wilhelmina-d.livejournal.com]

I actually just removed my half-brother and his wife from my FB f'list (to their immediate rage) because of drama. I won't put up with it and I don't have to (thank you Nick, my former therapist wherever you are for helping me realize that!).

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I am not the only one who feels this way about that video! I'm sick of people posting it on Facebook and saying what an awesome dad he is. He's not an awesome dad, he's a dickwad. The simple fact of the matter is, once you bring a firearm into it, your parenting has failed. Truly awesome parents (hell even half-way decent parents) never bring weapons into the equation, no matter what their child has done. Truly awesome parents understand the difference between discipline and revenge. Truly awesome parents don't "discipline" their kids by doing the same thing they did i.e. "You gonna rant about me? Well I'll rant about you! And I'll destroy your laptop too so there!" Ugh. That wasn't awesome parenting, it was reactive, vengeful and destructive. It was the epitome of what not to do.

What bugs me is people saying "But he didn't aim the gun at her, just her laptop" as though that makes it ok. Which part of shooting up someone's property being an act of violence do they not understand? It's still destruction aimed at them, even if they're not physically hurt by it.