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sihayadesignsI have been seeing a lot of pushback from the Hollaback video coming from dudes. And here's the thing: there are legit things to criticize about it. Like how they admitted that they edited out a bunch of white dudes "for whatever reason"-- because in 10 hours of filming, every single white guy's comment (except one) was apparently unusable due to noise or something. Yeah, sure. That's legit. It is NEVER okay to use racism to make a point about sexism, and the video deserves all the criticism for that.
That said, most of the guys who are upset about the video are pulling a #notallmen. And I'm gonna tell you, it is the biggest strawman argument, and the oldest, too. Women discussing their experience with street harassment are not saying "EVERY MAN does this." We are aware that not every man does this. You do not have to tell us this. We know this. But here's the thing: too many men do this. And those that do this are overwhelmingly male. So when women shorthand to "men," they are speaking about the make-up of the group who behaves this way, not literally every man. Stop using this bullshit transparent strawman of an argument.
Two: the video is about a very common, pervasive behavior that makes women feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Read that again: uncomfortable and UNSAFE. I have been given a military-grade retractable baton to carry because of harassment I've received. I have had more than one guy attempt to follow me home. I used to be stopped by guys in cars weekly when I lived in Pikesville. So, you really want to take a conversation about behaviors that both individually and cumulatively make a woman feel unsafe and make it about how you're upset because YOU DON'T DO THAT? Really? Goddamn, perspective please.
Three: it's #NotJustHello. Here's a surprising fact! Women know the difference between a friendly hello and one that is coming from a place of objectification. We literally have DECADES OF EXPERIENCE knowing who is saying hello to be nice, and who is saying hello because it's about them, and their expectation of our attention. WE KNOW. It's almost like we have this magical ability to judge context and tone! IT'S LIKE WITCHCRAFT. Or, you know, the basic gut instinct that every woman has and develops from her early teens onward because her life literally depends on it.
Walking down a city street as a lone woman can often feel like running a gauntlet. When I was a regular walker, I did an informal tally of how many times I'd get commented on-- be it unsolicited comments from men who were strangers to me, or the kinds of hellos that were not just hellos. That average was about 5 times a mile. And you never know where it's going to come from. Which stranger guy, which car. You never know which car is going to wait until they're almost right behind you and then blow their horn as loud as possible to scare you and then yell about your nice ass.
So you keep your head down, you plop on your resting bitchface, you put on headphones (I stopped wearing headphones when I realized I could not hear the group of men behind me that was actually following me). You get wary of people. You get really uncomfortable when strange men say hello to you, because is he going to mean it? Is he going to follow you down the street yelling about how you're an ugly slut if you don't answer him? Is he going to use that hello as the opening to a "why you out here by yourself, where's your man, why can't we be friends?" (All of these scenarios have happened to me in the last few years.)
And then you run into a Nice Guy (TM) who's upset that you react that way because of your experience with pervasive and constant reactions. He's upset that he can't tell stranger women walking alone hello, even though he means it to be nice! He tells you you shouldn't judge men or treat all strange men on the street as potential threats. I mean, who do you think you are, a woman who knows best how to judge her own boundaries based on her own experiences? THAT'S SEXIST.
I am not here for that bullshit anymore. I'm just flat out not. If I say "women have every right to be upset about this treatment and set their boundaries high because of it" and you interpret that as "you're sexist against men," that is your problem and your privilege blindness. It's not my problem.
If men spent half as much energy dealing with the men who perpetuate this shit as they do chastising women who speak honestly about how frightening and annoying street harassment can be, THIS SHIT WOULD STOP. But no, it always comes down to what the woman's doing that's wrong. Because that's the status quo. That's the culture we live in. And if you are a man who speaks up about how you're not like that, but who doesn't talk to other men about how to stop the behavior from happening in the first place, then you are a part of the problem, too.
That said, most of the guys who are upset about the video are pulling a #notallmen. And I'm gonna tell you, it is the biggest strawman argument, and the oldest, too. Women discussing their experience with street harassment are not saying "EVERY MAN does this." We are aware that not every man does this. You do not have to tell us this. We know this. But here's the thing: too many men do this. And those that do this are overwhelmingly male. So when women shorthand to "men," they are speaking about the make-up of the group who behaves this way, not literally every man. Stop using this bullshit transparent strawman of an argument.
Two: the video is about a very common, pervasive behavior that makes women feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Read that again: uncomfortable and UNSAFE. I have been given a military-grade retractable baton to carry because of harassment I've received. I have had more than one guy attempt to follow me home. I used to be stopped by guys in cars weekly when I lived in Pikesville. So, you really want to take a conversation about behaviors that both individually and cumulatively make a woman feel unsafe and make it about how you're upset because YOU DON'T DO THAT? Really? Goddamn, perspective please.
Three: it's #NotJustHello. Here's a surprising fact! Women know the difference between a friendly hello and one that is coming from a place of objectification. We literally have DECADES OF EXPERIENCE knowing who is saying hello to be nice, and who is saying hello because it's about them, and their expectation of our attention. WE KNOW. It's almost like we have this magical ability to judge context and tone! IT'S LIKE WITCHCRAFT. Or, you know, the basic gut instinct that every woman has and develops from her early teens onward because her life literally depends on it.
Walking down a city street as a lone woman can often feel like running a gauntlet. When I was a regular walker, I did an informal tally of how many times I'd get commented on-- be it unsolicited comments from men who were strangers to me, or the kinds of hellos that were not just hellos. That average was about 5 times a mile. And you never know where it's going to come from. Which stranger guy, which car. You never know which car is going to wait until they're almost right behind you and then blow their horn as loud as possible to scare you and then yell about your nice ass.
So you keep your head down, you plop on your resting bitchface, you put on headphones (I stopped wearing headphones when I realized I could not hear the group of men behind me that was actually following me). You get wary of people. You get really uncomfortable when strange men say hello to you, because is he going to mean it? Is he going to follow you down the street yelling about how you're an ugly slut if you don't answer him? Is he going to use that hello as the opening to a "why you out here by yourself, where's your man, why can't we be friends?" (All of these scenarios have happened to me in the last few years.)
And then you run into a Nice Guy (TM) who's upset that you react that way because of your experience with pervasive and constant reactions. He's upset that he can't tell stranger women walking alone hello, even though he means it to be nice! He tells you you shouldn't judge men or treat all strange men on the street as potential threats. I mean, who do you think you are, a woman who knows best how to judge her own boundaries based on her own experiences? THAT'S SEXIST.
I am not here for that bullshit anymore. I'm just flat out not. If I say "women have every right to be upset about this treatment and set their boundaries high because of it" and you interpret that as "you're sexist against men," that is your problem and your privilege blindness. It's not my problem.
If men spent half as much energy dealing with the men who perpetuate this shit as they do chastising women who speak honestly about how frightening and annoying street harassment can be, THIS SHIT WOULD STOP. But no, it always comes down to what the woman's doing that's wrong. Because that's the status quo. That's the culture we live in. And if you are a man who speaks up about how you're not like that, but who doesn't talk to other men about how to stop the behavior from happening in the first place, then you are a part of the problem, too.
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Date: 2014-11-01 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 12:58 pm (UTC)